torned.

july 22, 2007, 7:22pm, bored...


so... i guess i'm still at my low point...

it's not that i can't understand what's wrong, it's just that sometimes, you'd rather supress these realities and cover them all up. i can't stand the harshness of life but hell... hahaha. ang labo...


okay, so i've decided to go back to my jock lifestyle... yep. varsity, here i come... but i do have a problem.... i'm torned...


i decided to try out for softball. a slot was available and i thought i might like it there... softbll was somewhat a natural sport for me... i find it easy to study and practice (albeit the rigorous training and the so called discipline imposed upon players) and i think i have the potential. hahaha. yabang... i was set to go and try softball until my teammate from vball asked me to try and go back to the team... shit. that was it. hahaha. i had some really rough times with the team but i can't deny the fact that i'm really flattered and that i started doubting my decision. it's clear to my former teammate that i want to transfer to softball. i know it's somewhat impolite and unethical but i really like the idea. i'm not sure if i'm up to the challenge of transferring but heck, i'll take the risk. i really want to go back somewhere and at the same time start from scratch... volleyball has been my life for the past so-so years of my gradeschool and highschool life and well, i do owe a lot to the varsity.

with my experience in the team, i'm really not quite sure what to expect if ever i do go back or if i don't. i had a good relationship with our coach but a sloppy one with my teammates. it hurts to say this, but i don't think i could ever go back to how things were before. ang hirap talaga eh. i'm up for both sports but i can't seem to really choose... hahaha.... ang labo ko... paulit-ulit.... anyway, i can't do anything. i really do have to choose between the two... it's not like we're from the us, pwede 2... hahaha.... i have until tuesday to decide. until then, i'd have to do some more soul searching and end up with the correct decision.







cheka.out.

procrastinate babehhh...

8:52pm, monday, cafe

so here's a quick entry:

it's been a while since i last entered anything here and it's because i don't have my pc... it's been hectic for me as well as i'm a little "college-bound" you see. i can't get quite creative as panicking's on my mind right now... hahaha.... i really do sound disturbed right? it's mainly because of stress and well, having to give up a lot of things without regaining anything from these glory days i've left behind. the future's ahead and uncertainty's setting in. there's no familiarity amidst these faces of people i see everyday and instead, they have been exchanged by my own psychological doubts, scares and sorrows. I really don't know what my doom would be at the end of this school year but i know i'm destined to serve. i might not get what i want now but i'll have my time... rejection's been a good companion but it's God's compassion that keeps me up. till we meet again beloved blog...





cheka.out.




p.s.


ang labo nito... but that's how my mind's running right now... peace.

rev runs...

tuesday, 1:23pm, lost track of date...maybe may something.

okay, so far, i haven't got any time to do this blogging. i sort of stopped at nothing so i'll probably start at nothing as well. summer's still a bummer. it's boring as hell and all i got was this weird tan out of commuting way too frequently. man, how i wish my tan was from boracay or from a surfing exped in siargao. i sure miss being a beach bum. enough of summer... it's too boring anyway... i have found things about myself these past weeks that sort of scared the hell out of me.

i might kill myself for posting this but hey, i've done enough mishaps, this won't do much. these past weeks, i have been constantly reminded of my weird prom night and well, my date. i sort of don't know where it all started but i frequently think of him. (oh man, i can't believe i'm posting this for the world to see.) i can't quite figure out if i like him or not but well, i ended up concluding that maybe something is really happening and then, i had this dream. i can vividly remember i was out with him (on my dream) with my friend who's somewhat evil in a way and that i was too clingy with him. yes... i was sitting so close to him, holding his hand and all. it's sounds pretty gross now that i think of it (the way i acted i mean, my prom date's too damn good looking if you're wondering). then i saw him make a face and sort of communicated with my evil friend which made me feel like i was a big joke. it was scary.

the reason i was so scared was because it happened frequently with most guys i liked. i ended up dreaming that i was just a bet or that they didn't like me or that i was their way to get to know another friend. i'm not so sure if it is insecurity on my part or instinct that's telling me, he's not the one...

i do like him but after having the dream, i sort of ended up doubting myself, my intentions and his intentions. i want to be just good friends and nothing more. the only thing that worries me is that maybe i am walking on my one-way street, that it's only me who likes the guys and that no one's really recuperationg, responding or reacting - that maybe i created everything up. man, i'm really scared of my dreams i think i need to go see a doctor. in the meantime, i really will, for my ucky pimples... they formed into big blemishes/rashes. it's degrading, humiliating and plain icky... man, i wish derma could heal this.

cheka.out.

on breakdowns and summer bummers

thursday, 5:36pm, may sumtyn'sumtyn'

okay, so pc's still broken, spent a FORTUNE renting computers and ending up on the internet only thrice this summer. wow. but you see, i've been busy so gluing my eye on the screen was inadvertently avoidable.

i spend my whole summer lounging at first, possibly gaining weight, and well at the very start (and take note, it literally was at the start) of summer, hopelessly pining for a text message and devoting all my moolahs and sleep for an undeserving nitwit. (yeah, i'm still cool with him but i ain't gonna waste my time trying to if he doesn't want to) what's with boys and thinking that being friends with girls have to have next steps that they either want or despise? i make friends alright, but i always stay on that level, i don't assume. oh well, i guess i'm just pretty bitter about it but heck, i'm enjoying not having to spend cash on load where i only end up with a hi or sup or nyt or any other three-letter word he could come up with. hahaha. plus, summer's all about looking... wahahaha!

s0, i ended up having to go to school this summer for training! (hell yeah! i don't need to gain weight!)unfortunately, i ended up training while all my batchmates had their butts glued in armchairs for review. i do feel bad for myself, because i saw how bankrupt i was because of this situation. but, atleast, if i pass ateneo or up or any other school, it would mean i was good. it'll have a bigger impact because i didn't have any help. take that einstein! i'll also be a genius! hahahha!

aside from volleyball (where i ended up feeling stepped on, humiliated, backstabbed, regretted, and dumbfounded), i also ended up dancing. yes, i've come to love my talent. hahaha! i was contacted one unusual day and ended up meeting co-dancers and coaches and choreographers and actually realizing that i had just entered another world. (you see, when you get into a hobby and end up seeing yourself with the pros, you'll see that they have their own little world and that everyone's connected. i've seen badminton's, vball's and now, dance's!) hahahaha.

so there, i ended up with a hectic summer, no vacation at all, empty wallets, and jampacked varsity bags...


cheka.out.

hell year...

friday, 2nd of March, 6:42 when it ought to be somewhere around 7 pm.

as my blog might have felt abandoned for the past weeks i have never entered any new post, i now am writing a new one. i never intended to really not write anything for the past month but it just so happens that it was one hellufa month, stress kept worsening. (forgive me for my formal sounding writing style but i have noticed that i grew more mature in writing and the kubeta smell in this crowded internet cafe bothers me...) just to update, i did have a lot of things done this past weeks i have not logged. the motherboard of my ratty and old pc just exploded and now i have to make do with unruly pc renters in a "ok" cafe plus, i was planning to use bluetooth except for the fact that i couldn't because this bad cafe doesn't have any. (crap, crap, crap!) i finally had my first "now this is a soiree" soiree with a nice section from admu and found new friends. i came to my very first ateneo fair and my first legacy concert in years. i now have regular load in my phone and we're on our way to the semis in volleyball. (yey!) just to clear the time, it's now 7.37. back to my infos, i had my prom. (yey! let's go into details later) and our group won the science congress (unexpectedly... i now am bagging 2 congress titles.. i'm getting good at it!). okay... so many things to update but i'll just ponder on a few key events: science congress, prom, p.e.!(swimming!), my free pontefino getaway and all these other stuff. so... let's start!

ayyyy.... prom was really weird... hahaha. i woke up late and went to a salon. i really hated the idea of prepping up plus, they made me look like i prepared... kainis!my hair was overrated, makeup was not what i wanted and they shaved my brows! and then, my polish pa... grabe! but the event was fun. dancing was really good! hahaha. i had to teach my date (found one! take that guidicelli!) and teach some batchmates who saw me doing the l.a. walk (i was shocked when i saw people following my dance steps... hahaha! call me a d.i.!) yeck. the end was really weird. it was like this.

my cousin (he went to the prom with a classmate): ches, tara, alis na tayo. sabay lang tayo kay jake eh.

me: hah? eh, alis na tayo? andyan na ba yung sundo sa harap?

cousin: oo, halika na.

me: uy, robby, alis na daw kami.

date: talaga? alis ka na? (parang ganyan)

me: yep. okay lang?

date: ah, oh sige...

me: sorry...

date: okay lang..

me: sige, bye...

date: bye...

me: thanks...

sabay alis.

that was a nice way to end the prom don't you think??? it was awkward... so i'm really sorry (robby! sorry!) hahahaha. oh well, it was a nice day.

science congress...

pre-prom, i was expecting to help put up decors and then my teacher called me and she needed the group to rewrite the paper again and we were pulled out. turns out, our easy-playing group got the shot at the finals of the congress. crap. probably the top girls in the batch would die to get that opportunity while our group was practically begging to not. unfortunately, we had to do otherwise. so, come the afternoon of that same day, i was practically sulking in front of the lab computer trying to edit the paper to make it appear as if it was geniusly done. FYI, my group members left me alone because they had no transpo. as much as i felt bad for myself, i was also feeling bad for them because they had to feel so bad about not doing anything and still take credit. albeit the stress, wednesday after prom was the d-day. our group did the best we could that time to pretend we know half of what we're saying and luckily, the judges bought it. haha. nice one...so, congress was this and by the way, did i mention we were competing against my cousin's group? talk about pressure.

this is parctically not in chronological order hence, i have decided to put a part two. to have a sneak preview of part two, i'll have a video posted dedicated to an event in my no post weeks... here's daft punk interstellar 5555 (you know who you are. you introduced me to this and i find it nice... i'm getting hooked XP. thanks dude!)

in the meantime, here i am, signing out.

cheka.out.

First Lost, But I Gained So Many Things....SUMMARY

Saturday, Jan. 27, 2007,7:52pm

We lost last week! gosh! hahaha! another game tomorrow and i hope we'll bag it! hahaha. It was okay though cause I was getting a lot better compared to last year! hahahaha! i have a prom date na! FINALLY. met him today, he was very nice! hahaha. so tall... nyahahaha... anyway, this week's pretty hectic. and next week's the PROM week so i'll probably be busy... hahahaha. so, i'll be posting the real post next week... hahaha. just to give an update on everything i do, see and well... feel. even if it has to do with ehem... being lactose intolerant... hahahaha.


Cheka.out.

A crammer's got to do what a crammer's got do...HUH?

Monday, 4:48 pm, JANUARY 15, 19 days before the prom


i'm sitting in front of the computer, wondering wha' d' hell went wrong...

... and thinking that a "ghetto" accent sounds weird on me...


welcome to another day in a crammer's life. i still don't have a prom date but well, i have advancements... i now have many prospects and a half-day prom date.

you see, by now i would've had a prom date if i didn't hear a comment that was well, scary. and if i didn't hear the comment, well, i may be making a mistake...(is that grammatically correct? sounds heinous..) so anyway, prospects are here but it still is hard to look for the prom date. ayayay... but it's not anybody's fault... it's my fault talaga. hahaha. people say i have too high standards. hehehe.

anyway, i told you i would be updating you guys with our game scheds right? our second game yesterday was against STC. hahaha. we won! yay! but we gave away one set when we could've won 2 sets to none. hahaha. we will be having our game this week in ateneo, against st. joseph i think. hahaha. by then, i probably have a prom date... hahaha.

parting words from your crammer (who can't formulate logical and grammatically correct sentences today. must be because tests started. yay.):

life isn't all that bad when you really don't have anything to lose even if you want to. hahahaha!



hoping i'll have a better post next week and a real prom date...

cheka.out.