rev runs...

tuesday, 1:23pm, lost track of date...maybe may something.

okay, so far, i haven't got any time to do this blogging. i sort of stopped at nothing so i'll probably start at nothing as well. summer's still a bummer. it's boring as hell and all i got was this weird tan out of commuting way too frequently. man, how i wish my tan was from boracay or from a surfing exped in siargao. i sure miss being a beach bum. enough of summer... it's too boring anyway... i have found things about myself these past weeks that sort of scared the hell out of me.

i might kill myself for posting this but hey, i've done enough mishaps, this won't do much. these past weeks, i have been constantly reminded of my weird prom night and well, my date. i sort of don't know where it all started but i frequently think of him. (oh man, i can't believe i'm posting this for the world to see.) i can't quite figure out if i like him or not but well, i ended up concluding that maybe something is really happening and then, i had this dream. i can vividly remember i was out with him (on my dream) with my friend who's somewhat evil in a way and that i was too clingy with him. yes... i was sitting so close to him, holding his hand and all. it's sounds pretty gross now that i think of it (the way i acted i mean, my prom date's too damn good looking if you're wondering). then i saw him make a face and sort of communicated with my evil friend which made me feel like i was a big joke. it was scary.

the reason i was so scared was because it happened frequently with most guys i liked. i ended up dreaming that i was just a bet or that they didn't like me or that i was their way to get to know another friend. i'm not so sure if it is insecurity on my part or instinct that's telling me, he's not the one...

i do like him but after having the dream, i sort of ended up doubting myself, my intentions and his intentions. i want to be just good friends and nothing more. the only thing that worries me is that maybe i am walking on my one-way street, that it's only me who likes the guys and that no one's really recuperationg, responding or reacting - that maybe i created everything up. man, i'm really scared of my dreams i think i need to go see a doctor. in the meantime, i really will, for my ucky pimples... they formed into big blemishes/rashes. it's degrading, humiliating and plain icky... man, i wish derma could heal this.

cheka.out.