rev runs...

tuesday, 1:23pm, lost track of date...maybe may something.

okay, so far, i haven't got any time to do this blogging. i sort of stopped at nothing so i'll probably start at nothing as well. summer's still a bummer. it's boring as hell and all i got was this weird tan out of commuting way too frequently. man, how i wish my tan was from boracay or from a surfing exped in siargao. i sure miss being a beach bum. enough of summer... it's too boring anyway... i have found things about myself these past weeks that sort of scared the hell out of me.

i might kill myself for posting this but hey, i've done enough mishaps, this won't do much. these past weeks, i have been constantly reminded of my weird prom night and well, my date. i sort of don't know where it all started but i frequently think of him. (oh man, i can't believe i'm posting this for the world to see.) i can't quite figure out if i like him or not but well, i ended up concluding that maybe something is really happening and then, i had this dream. i can vividly remember i was out with him (on my dream) with my friend who's somewhat evil in a way and that i was too clingy with him. yes... i was sitting so close to him, holding his hand and all. it's sounds pretty gross now that i think of it (the way i acted i mean, my prom date's too damn good looking if you're wondering). then i saw him make a face and sort of communicated with my evil friend which made me feel like i was a big joke. it was scary.

the reason i was so scared was because it happened frequently with most guys i liked. i ended up dreaming that i was just a bet or that they didn't like me or that i was their way to get to know another friend. i'm not so sure if it is insecurity on my part or instinct that's telling me, he's not the one...

i do like him but after having the dream, i sort of ended up doubting myself, my intentions and his intentions. i want to be just good friends and nothing more. the only thing that worries me is that maybe i am walking on my one-way street, that it's only me who likes the guys and that no one's really recuperationg, responding or reacting - that maybe i created everything up. man, i'm really scared of my dreams i think i need to go see a doctor. in the meantime, i really will, for my ucky pimples... they formed into big blemishes/rashes. it's degrading, humiliating and plain icky... man, i wish derma could heal this.

cheka.out.

on breakdowns and summer bummers

thursday, 5:36pm, may sumtyn'sumtyn'

okay, so pc's still broken, spent a FORTUNE renting computers and ending up on the internet only thrice this summer. wow. but you see, i've been busy so gluing my eye on the screen was inadvertently avoidable.

i spend my whole summer lounging at first, possibly gaining weight, and well at the very start (and take note, it literally was at the start) of summer, hopelessly pining for a text message and devoting all my moolahs and sleep for an undeserving nitwit. (yeah, i'm still cool with him but i ain't gonna waste my time trying to if he doesn't want to) what's with boys and thinking that being friends with girls have to have next steps that they either want or despise? i make friends alright, but i always stay on that level, i don't assume. oh well, i guess i'm just pretty bitter about it but heck, i'm enjoying not having to spend cash on load where i only end up with a hi or sup or nyt or any other three-letter word he could come up with. hahaha. plus, summer's all about looking... wahahaha!

s0, i ended up having to go to school this summer for training! (hell yeah! i don't need to gain weight!)unfortunately, i ended up training while all my batchmates had their butts glued in armchairs for review. i do feel bad for myself, because i saw how bankrupt i was because of this situation. but, atleast, if i pass ateneo or up or any other school, it would mean i was good. it'll have a bigger impact because i didn't have any help. take that einstein! i'll also be a genius! hahahha!

aside from volleyball (where i ended up feeling stepped on, humiliated, backstabbed, regretted, and dumbfounded), i also ended up dancing. yes, i've come to love my talent. hahaha! i was contacted one unusual day and ended up meeting co-dancers and coaches and choreographers and actually realizing that i had just entered another world. (you see, when you get into a hobby and end up seeing yourself with the pros, you'll see that they have their own little world and that everyone's connected. i've seen badminton's, vball's and now, dance's!) hahahaha.

so there, i ended up with a hectic summer, no vacation at all, empty wallets, and jampacked varsity bags...


cheka.out.